The Carpet is Lava is one of the four original tracks which were on the LP of Devastation (the others being Air, Endless Relentlessness and Fuck You.)

This song remains the most controversial of Duane and BrandO's song due to its extremely misogynistic lyrics. However, the band itself prefers to refer to the song's lyrics as shock comedy.



Get your ass in the kitchen!
Do what you is told.
The sink is full of dishes.
The tub is full of mold.
I have no clean underwear.
I have to think of more chores.
Get your ass on your knees with a toothbrush
And scrub my fuckin' floors.

Michael Crane:
Duane...dude, what the fuck are you doing?
How many times do I have to tell you? Dude, you're doin' it all wrong.

Ya gotta do it like this:
Kick her in the face, in the jaw.
Kick that bitch 'til ya can't kick no more.
Then ya do a little jig like this.
Like this?
Michael Crane:
Then ya hit her in the mouth with ya fist.
With my fist
Michael Crane:
Awww shiiit.

BrandO said knock you out.
I'm about to show you what it's all about.
I'll throw a motherfuckin' shoe!
Michael Crane:
Thats right!
And then I'll tell her what to fuckin' do.
Michael Crane:
She loves the abuse, don't let her lie to you!
A woman ain't nothin' but a thing to screw.

Mike Christensen:
Hey guys I brought the game with me...
What the fuck!
I'm gonna call the cops!
You can't hit a woman like that!
Ya gotta buy 'em flowers!
Where's my baseball bat?!
Michael Crane:
Let's put his ass in the trunk.
Take him to the river, then dump this punk.

(911, what's your emergency?)
They hit me in the face! (Yeah?)
They hit me in the jaw! (Mhmm?)
I'm sorry but I had no one else to call.
They threw a fuckin' shoe at me and broke my nose!
My eye's puffin' like a motherfuckin' crescent roll. (Yeah?)
When they headed outside I locked the door.
I had to drag my lifeless body all across the floor.
I'm bleedin' real bad, and I’ve got 2 black eyes!
(Bitch, you should probably listen better next time.)


  • The little kid's voice at the end of the song is that of Duane's son, who was 4 years old at the time.